Two old friends, haven't seen each other for several years when they happen to meet at the supermarket. After greetings and a little catching up, one fellow says to his friend, "When I ran into you I was looking for my wife."
"I'm looking for mine, too," says the other fellow. "By the way, how is your wife?"
"Oh," says his friend, "I've just gotten married for the second time. You ought to see her.
She is only 28 years old, a redhead with blue eyes. She used to be a model and has a perfect figure. Nobody wears clothes better than she can. In fact, today she's wearing tight toreador pants and a see-through blouse just a knockout. But enough about her. How's your wife?"
"Forget my wife," his friend says. "Let's go look for yours!"
Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession....to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts....but he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King's chief physician. Horatio said "I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000 gold coins to pay bribes". Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.
The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching lotion and poured a little of it into the Queens brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after she dressed the itching commenced and grew in intensity.
Upon being called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master and issued the imperial command. Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote to the itching lotion, which Horatio had given him, into his mouth and for the next four hours worked passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts.
Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demanding payment. However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching lotion into King Arthur's loincloth. And Michael the Dragon Master was again summoned by the King...
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
If Walmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
Have an awesome day, and know that someone has thought about you today!
An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good nights sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me".
"Why not," he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead." The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another."
The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead." Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"
His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."