Two country boys went to town and were approached by a prostitute, who offered to do them both for $20. They went along, but being inexperienced, they both were puzzled when she got out two condoms, and showed each how to put one on.
"That's so I won't have a baby!" she told them, inwardly amused by their lack of worldliness. She then gave them their money's worth, and they went home.
That was Saturday night.....on Tuesday morning, the two were out working in their father's field, when one turned to his brother and said,
"Jed, do you really give a rat's ass if that ol' gal we screwed has a baby?"
"Why HELL no," replied Jed.
"Then let's take these here rubbers off, I gotta piss so bad my tonsils is floatin'"
George W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the aftershave. Clinton was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?"
Bush replied, "Go ahead. My wife Laura doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
A business man got on an elevator in a tall building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F".
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T". She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T
The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T." The blonde finally decided to explain things,
and this time she said, "T-G-I-F. It means Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T -- Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a flyswatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh!, Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
"3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone". He responded