Find it on www.solstikkan.has.it ;-)
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing
physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever
expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your
troubles to bed with you."
"I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
What does a farmer and a pimp have in common?
Both need a hoe to stay in business.
The teacher asked the students to bring one electrical appliance for
"Show & Tell," and the next day every kid had something.
The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring?
"I brought a Walkman."
"And what is it for?"
"You can listen to music with it!"
"That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?"
"I brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!"
"Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't bring anything!"
"Yes, I did. It's in the hall."
So the entire class goes into the hallway.
"Umm, Johnny, what is that?"
"It's a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep your heart going."
"Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing this?"
"He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'"
Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired
Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her
"Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas."
A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing
her habit barely fit across her belly.
"Oh, just a bit of gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit.
On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he
passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest
observed, "Cute little Fart!"
The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were
tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They
wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.
So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department
especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde
The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they
could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged
now.They wanted other students to see that they weren't just
stupid bimbos after all, they now had their own department at the
So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde
Education Department which sports the saying: "I Belong in B.E.D."
What do you call twenty hookers on a table?
What's the Greek army motto?
"Never leave your buddy's behind."
Why do men swim faster than women?
Because they have a rudder
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was
finally time to marry.
Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how
their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements
and so on.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.
"Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded.
The old guy paused....then he asked, "Was that one word or two?"
A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a
circus banner reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!" Curious, he
buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts: animals, clowns,
Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There,
in the middle of the ring, is a table with three walnuts on it. In
comes a little old Jewish man, five feet five inches tall, and barely
able to walk to the table.
He unzips his pants, whips out an impressive prodigious member, grabs
it in his hand, and proceeds to smash all three walnuts with three
The crowd erupts in thunderous applause as the elderly Goldstein is
carried off on the shoulders of the clowns.
Ten years later, the same salesman visits the same Little town and sees
the same circus being advertised with the same (now faded) banner
reading, "Don't Miss the Amazing Goldstein!"
Our friend the salesman can't believe the old guy is still alive, much
less still doing his act! So, he buys a ticket and sits through the
various acts, waiting for the big finale.
Finally, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of
walnuts, three coconuts are on the table. As before, old Goldstein
takes forever to make it to the table. He unzips his fly and proceeds
to smash the coconuts with three swings of his amazing schlong. The
crowd goes wild!
The salesman requests a meeting with him after the show.
In Goldstein's dressing room, the salesman tells him he's never seen
anything like Goldstein's act. He wants to know why Goldstein, at his
age, s now smashing large coconuts instead of the much smaller walnuts.
"Vell," says Goldstein, wearily, "My eyes aren't vhat they used to be!"
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.