A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar,and orders a double
martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his
shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double
After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and
orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says,
"Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. Bust you gotta
tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts
to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three
other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.
The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of
a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife
to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we
are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, it is either bad or
"What do you mean?" asked Mr. Smith.
"Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife."
"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" asked Mr. Smith.
"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO and they won't pay for these expensive
tests more than once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?" Smith asked.
"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town.
If she finds her way home ... don't sleep with her."
A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another
woman. With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the
stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and put
his penis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.
Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was terrified, and screamed,
"Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's
hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You do whatever
you have to"
Looking for a little action, a fellow stopped another man on the city
street, and asked him if might know where the hookers hung out.
"Oh, Yeah, man; but you got to go downtown, waaaay down on Sublime
Street, to get any good action." He proceeded to give directions,
and the horny one strolled off.
He soon found Sublime Street, and made a connection with a really fine-
looking fox, and they headed for her crib.
They were in her bed, and he was more than getting his money's worth,
when the door opened, and the guy who had given him directions walked in.
With a look of disbelief, the newcomer yelled "You son-of-a-bitch, I said
WAAAY down Sublime Street!!!!!"
It was closing time and he had been pying her with drinks ever since she
sat down beside him at the bar. He sensed that she was incapable of getting
herself home, so he helped her to his car, and said, "Honey, Just give me
some directions, and I'll take you to your place and we'll have a little fun.
She pointed in a vague way down the avenue, and said "Shtraight down Shouth
Shtreet..." As he drove along, he pulled her close and planted a sloppy kiss
on her mouth, and nibbled her ear. She squirmed on the seat, and moaned,
"OH MAN, you're pashinate!"
He was encouraged by her response, and slipped his hand up between her legs,
looking for pay dirt. "OH MAN," she cried again,"your PASHINIT!!"
Thinking he was going to really score, he slipped a finger into her panties
and wiggled it around . OH MAN YOU'RE PASHINIT! " she wailed....
"I LIVE BACK THERE IN THAT APARTMENT BLOCK, 'n YOU'RE PASHIN' IT!!!!!"