A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar in Yangon when he spots
a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly Drilling Engineer.
He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's
He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive
could be available to him.
The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up
again, only this time alone.
The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. "Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a handjob. We can negotiate from there."
"$100! For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?" The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside. "I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on handjobs. "Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had.
This handjob was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blowjobs."
"How much is that?" "$500".
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?" The guy looks out front at a 12 story apartment building. "I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints twice.
The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up. "I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see a small but exotic island covered in Palm trees.
"You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
He nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own that island.
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible
Every morning, Bill Clinton would take a jog near his home in NY State.
And on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same
street corner, day after day. Apprehensive, he would brace himself as
he approached her for what was most certainly about to follow.
"Fifty dollars! " she would shout from the curb. "No. Five dollars!"
fired back Clinton. This ritual between the ex-prez and the hooker
continued for several days. He'd run by. She'd holler, "Fifty dollars"
He'd yell back, "Five dollars! "
One day, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on
his jog. As the jogging couple neared the now infamous street corner,
Bill suddenly realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer for all to
hear (including Hillary) and he would have to come up with a very good
explanation for his wife, the junior Senator.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past her, Bill became
overcome with anxiety on how to handle the situation.
Sure enough there she was standing where she always did. Bill tried to
evade the streetwalker's eyes as she looked up at the jogging executives.
Then from the sidewalk, she yelled to Bill:
"See what you get for five bucks?"
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his
chair before he dropped, exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and
a comforting word.
"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today.
What happened to make you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all
of us had to do our own thinking."
Man: Where have you been all my life ?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
A man suffering from impotence went to see a specialist. The doctor
gave him a prescription that he was to take faithfully three
times a day, and always with food.
Two days later the man was at a formal banquet and didn't want any of
the other guests to spot and possibly identify his pink and purple
capsule of medication. So he instructed the waiter to empty the
capsule into his soup, thinking he could eat his soup openly with
everyone else, take his medication, and preserve his privacy all at
the same time.
However, when the soup was served everyone received a bowl of it but
the man, who began feeling conspicuous and angry.
He confronted the waiter and asked why he hadn't been served his
"Well, sir, I poured your medication into your bowl as instructed.
Since then, I have been waiting for the noodles to lie down."
A young blonde comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true
what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where
boys put their thingies?"
"Yes, dear," replied her mother, pleased that the subject had finally
come up and she wouldn't have to explain it.
"But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs, good meal and drinks and several climaxes.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
90 minutes, good meal and drinks and trying to satisfy
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment.
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a
lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our
eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the
pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the
eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good, " said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens
to sell for cooking. We had a dozen eggs one time,
but when they hatched we only got ten chicks.
The moral to this story is, don't count your chickens
until they've hatched."
"That was a fine story Lucy.
Johnny do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.
Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm
and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey,
a machine gun, and a machete. "She drank the
whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she
landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran
out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete
until the blade broke and then she killed the last ten
with her bare hands."
"Good heavens!", said the horrified teacher,
"What kind of moral did your daddy give you
from that horrible story?"
"Don't screw with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
An elderly couple were watching TV one evening, and during a commercial
break the husband turned to the wife and said, "Whatever happened to
our sexual relations?" After a long period of thoughtful silence, she
turned to her husband and said. "You know, I don't think we even got a
Christmas card from them last year."