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020109
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A woman awakes during the night to find her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the room," Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee," Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have gotten out today".

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Russian President Putin called President George W.Bush with an
emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President
cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control......this is a true
disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything
within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send
1,000,000 condoms, ASAP, to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush. "Oh, and one more
small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10 inches long
and 4 inches in diameter?" asked Putin.

"No problem," replied the President.

With that, George W. hung up the phone and then called the
President of the Acme Condom Company. "I need a favor. You've
got to send 1,000,000 condoms over to Russia right away."

"Consider it done," said the CEO of Acme.

"Great! Now listen. They have to be red in color, 10 inches long,
and 4 inches in diameter."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said Bush. "On each one print the words :
'MADE IN TEXAS, SIZE: SMALL.'"
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Two out of work bums decided that they would be better off in a
more downtown location so they hitched a ride. The driver dropped
them off in the city's red-light district.

A hooker approached one of the bums and said, "Say guy...
...Would you like a hand job?"

The bum shook his head and said, "Errr... no, it's ok."

A few minutes later another hooker approached the bums and said,
"Say guys... Would you like a blow job?"

The bum again shook his head and said, "Errr... no, it's ok."

After the hooker left the bum turned to his buddy and said,
"We'd better go back where we came from. We've only been
here 10 minutes, and we've been offered two jobs already!"
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This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this
handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the
checkouts.

Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks
if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure
lady."

They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over
and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pussy."

He responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all
those Japanese cars look alike!!"
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A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is
weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms,
"that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I thought I'd
gone deaf."
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