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A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes
to wear hot skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances
at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her
skirt [or general lack thereof] and the location of the raisin
bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please", the man says politely.
The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin
bread, which is located on the very top shelf.
The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an
excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two
loaves as he's having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male
customers notices what's going on.
Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can
continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder the young lady
seems to catch the eye of another male customer.
Pretty soon each male patron is asking for raisin bread, just to see
the clerk climb up and down. After many trips she's tired, irritated
and thinking that she is really going to have to try this bread for
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes,
glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing
amongst the crowd staring up at her.
Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man,
"Is yours raisin too?"
"No," croaks the old man, "but it's startin to twitch".
A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk
tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it, so we don't carry it."
The duck says, "Okay," and leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any
duck feed?" Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves. Next day, the
duck walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?" The clerk says, "I've
told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and
we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet
to the floor." the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?" "No." "Got
any duck feed?"
What's the difference between sin and shame?
It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.
Six Jewish gentlemen were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when one
of them loses $500 on a single hand and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, they complete their playing
time standing up.
Now, who is going to tell the wife?
They draw straws, and Goldberg who is always a loser picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any
worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! I'm the most discreet guy you will ever meet.
Discretion is mine middle name. Leave it to me."
He goes to the apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks
what he wants.
"Your husband just lost $500."
She hollers, "HE SHOULD ONLY DROP DEAD!"
I said, "He did!"