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020116 - www.solstikkan.has.it
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"I'm confused," the little boy admitted to his teacher. "I went to
church last Sunday and they kept telling me to stand up for Jesus!
But then I went to the ballgame, and everyone kept yelling,
'For Christ's sake, sit down!'"
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A couple of Alabama hunters are out in the woods when one of them
grabbed his chest and fell to the ground.
He didn't seem to be breathing and his eyes were rolled back in his
head.
The other guy whipped out his cell phone and called 911.
He gasped to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice replied, "Just take it easy.
I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."

The 911 operator heard a few moments of silence, then suddenly heard a
shot.

The guy's voice came back on the line. "OK, now what?"
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A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who
had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house
without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
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Now, Here's an idea!!
Fear of Flying
The solution for the prevention of hijackings, and at the same time
getting our airline industry back on its feet.
Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to
look at naked women we should replace all of our
female flight attendants with strippers.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear
of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every business man in this
country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman.
We would have no more hijackings, and the airline
industry would have record sales. Now why didn't
congress think of this?
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Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home.
Every night after dinner Howard goes to a secluded garden behind the
center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to asks, "Do you
know what I miss most of all?"
She asks "What?" and he replies, "SEX!!!".
Annabel exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a
gun to your head!"
"I know", Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it
for a while".
"Well, I can oblige," says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and
removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where
they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard's manhood.
Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place.
Alarmed, Annabel decided to find Howard and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting
by the pool with another female resident who was holding Howard's
manhood!
Furious, Annabel yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does she have that
I don't have?!"
Howard smiled and replied, Parkinson's"
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