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020120
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One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair,
drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.

A neighbor lady was so outraged at this that she came over
and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!"

The man calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time
playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy
into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father
said to his son, "When Lincoln was your age, he was studying
books by the light of the fireplace."

The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The
President of The United States."
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