Show me a milk man in high heels and I'll show you a Dairy Queen.
Father visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time.
Goes up & down the aisles with his son, at the local Food Store.
Dad: "Vas diss?? Powdered orange juice??"
Son: "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh orange
A few minutes later, in a different aisle
Dad: "Und vas dis?? Powdered milk?"
Son: "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!"
A few minutes later, in a different aisle
Dad: "Und give a look here!! Baby Powder !! Vat a country,
vat a country!"
A farmer had so many children, he ran out of names, so he started
naming his kids after something around the farm. The first day of
school began, and the teacher asked each child their name.
When he got to one of the farmer's son the boy replied "Wagon Wheel".
The teacher said... "I need your REAL name, son"...to which he boy
replied, "It's Wagon Wheel, sir...Really".
The teacher in a huff..said.. "Alright young man...march yourself
right down to the principal's office THIS minute!!!!"
The boy got out of his chair, turned to his sister and said.. "Come
on, Chicken Shit he ain't gonna believe YOU, neither !"
Name the elements, Billy, instructed the teacher.
There’s earth and there’s air, began the boy, and then fire and. . .
er. . . water. . . and---oh, yes---fucking.
The teacher gasped, then recovered herself.
That filthy thing you named, what ever made you include it?
I overheard my mom telling one of her friends, answered Billy,
that when my dad gets to fucking, he’s in his element.
"The strong take from the weak,
the rich take from the poor,
and the government takes from everyone."
I pulled into a town I couldn't believe still existed in 2001.
A dusty, dirt road, a little old wooden store that actually said
"General Store", and that was it.
There was a little old man sitting in front of the store in a
rocking chair. I said to him, "What do you folks do around here?"
He said, "We don't do nothin' but hunt n' fuck."
I said, "What do you hunt?"
He said, "Somethin' to fuck."
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner
Second Date: Your get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
First Date: You get a dynamite blowjob
Second Date: You get another great blowjob
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
First Date: You give her $20 and have really good sex.
Second Date: you give $25 and have really good sex with her younger
Third Date: You give her $30 and have sex with her younger brother.
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
What's the logo for the new Polish tampon?
"We may not be number 1, but were still up there!"
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never
been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as
she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement,
running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!!
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cockpit hears
the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the
blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a
moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,
"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
A bus on a busy street in New York City strikes a man. He is lying near
death on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around.
Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd
"A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again.
Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty
years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not
even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I'm living behind St.
Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm
listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the
dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a
B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72. . ."