Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested
The counselor asked, "Both of you?"
"Yes," replied the husband.
When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at
their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should
be tested after annual sex!"
The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake and the waves that
were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the
waves of passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough
for the young man to whisper, "Darling am I the first man to
make love to you?"
Her tone, upon answering, was slightly more than irritable.
"Of course you are!" she said. "and also the best too. I don't
know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions."
The doctor explains to the heart patient that he would be able to
resume his sex life as soon as he could climb two flights of stairs
without becoming winded.
The patient listens attentively and then says,
"What if I look for women who live on the ground floor?"
A rich man was dying and called his doctor, minister, and lawyer
to the hospital room.
Over the years people had warned him that he could not take it with him
and he was determined to take some of it with him.
He gave each one of them $250,000 in cash with the instructions that
they should place it in a package and put it in the coffin just before
At the funeral each one dutifully tossed the package into the coffin
just before it was lowered into the grave.
Afterwards the minister confessed that needs at the orphanage were
extensive and he had taken out $10,000.
The doctor then confessed that he had removed $20,000 for the new
The lawyer then said: "I'm appalled at your lack of ethics!
I placed my personal check for the full amount in the coffin.
Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her
complaint she replied that she suffered from a discharge.
He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so.... The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage
her "private parts." After a couple of minutes he asked, "How does that
feel?" "Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my ear..."
Women are not supposed to:
Therefore, they must Bitch or they will blow up.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as
long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the
doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need
to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
A Clean House Is A Sign Of A Misspent Life
A Husband Is Someone Who Takes Out The Trash And Gives The Impression
He Just Cleaned The Whole House
A Messy Kitchen Is A Happy Kitchen... And This Kitchen Is Delirious
Help keep the kitchen clean - Eat OUT
Housework Done Properly Can Kill You
If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast and cheap.
My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines.
No Husband Has Ever Been Shot While Doing The Dishes
Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator