020207 - see and listen to the BIRD BELL at
Two priests were talking. The older one said to the younger,
"When you came to our church I wondered how your new ideas were going
"When you replaced the front pews with bucket seats, I had my doubts.
But now at every mass, the front seats are filled with young people.
"When you 'jazzed up' the choir by singing new and peppy songs, I was
afraid it might offend the older folks, but we have more people in church
now than ever.
"When you wanted to put in the drive-through confessional, I have to admit I thought you'd lost it. But more people are coming to confession than ever.
"However, the neon sign out front that reads:
'Toot 'n tell or go to Hell' has to go!
Making love is fine, but sometimes I just wanna get laid.
These two guys go to a whorehouse.
The first guy goes in then comes out and says, "My wife is better."
The second guy goes in then comes out and says, "You know what?
Your wife IS better."
This guy's on a motor tour of Ireland and he stops for a break at a
pleasant old country pub. While enjoying a leisurely pint of Guinness,
he chats to the barman. As he's about to leave, he says, "Nice talking
to you, Mike. By the way, can you tell me the quickest way to Dublin?"
Mike asks him "Are you walking or driving?"
"Driving," replies the tourist.
"Ah, well," says Mike, "that's definitely the quickest way."
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day,
"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in maths
and 20 in science."
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
Passing an office building late one night, Lynn, a Blonde saw a
sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and
after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then
another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way
through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at Lynn, "what do you want?"
Lynn replied, "The sign said, Press Bell FOR Night Watchman.
I just wanted to know why you can't ring it yourself."
The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give
me a ring?" "Sure," replied her lover "What's your phone number?"