"Am I dreaming?"
"Can I keep you?"
Get down on your knees, look heavenward and say, "Thank you God"
And the most vital thing to say to a man with a huge penis, "I DO!"
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were
settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one
night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, "I
have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I
wonder if you and your bride would like to have them?"

"I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door and
called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist'

"Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick with
that thing, I'm going home to mother."
How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
She has a headache with the mailman.
A man calls into the police station and says, "My wife is missing."
The officer asks, "How long has she been gone?"
"A month."
"Why did you wait so long to report it?"
"Well, until yesterday I thought it was just a dream."
A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and an
I.Q. of 165, I'd like to make a donation". The nurse gives him a sealed
cup and directs him to a provate room. 20 minutes later the man hasn't
come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?"

"I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I
poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?"

The nurse replied, "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..."

She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.

"I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!"
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over. He walked
up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath. He said, "I'm going
to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the
influence of alcohol."
She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car. After
a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like
you've had a couple of stiff ones." She turned red, and replied, "You
mean it shows that, too?"
A man just got a big bonus check and decides to buy a very
expensive new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop,
and asks the clerk to show him the new scope. The clerk
takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so
good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill."

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.

"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.

"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the
house," the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his
house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here
are two bullets, I will give you this expensive scope for
free if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head
off and shoot the guy's penis off."

The man takes another look through the scope and says,
"You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"
There was a young man who was so well-endowed that it was bothering his
knee. Three doctors and one nurse were in the operating room to remedy
the situation.

The first doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the end."
They discussed it and decided that would affect his sensitivity.

The second doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk out of the middle
of it." They discussed it and decided it would change the texture and
feel of it.

The third doctor said, "We'll just take a big hunk off the base of it."
They discussed it and said that would give him erection problems.

The doctors looked at the nurse who had tears running down her cheeks.

The nurse cried, "Can't we just make his legs longer?"