What three two-letter words denote "small"?
Is it in?"
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her
hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend
to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything
you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
The Italian had never played golf before and so he sked for some
tips before starting the game. The American decided to teach the
Italian the properway to putt a golf ball.
The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that
they roll into the hole."
The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke.
The Italian replied, "In America, you leave your sticka outta and a
putta your balls in dahole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da
hole and leave our balls out!"
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the
perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing, Entertain. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get
a TV!"
Three boys were sitting on a fence talking. One of the little boys
says to the other, "If you could have your body covered in anything,
what would it be?"
After thinking for a while the boy answers. "Silver"
"Well, why?"
"I could peel it off and buy that Honda over there"
The boy then asks the other, "And you?"
"Gold, I could peel it off and by the BMW sitting over there"
After a few seconds one of the boys ask the first boy,
"Well, what about you?!?"
The boy thought and thought and finaly, said very
calmly, "Hair".
Well the other two boys were just sickened and
Why in the hell would you want your WHOLE BODY covered
in HAIR???"
"Well", the boy answered, "My sister has got a little
tiny patch of hair and she ownes both of those cars!!!"
This young couple had only been married for one night when the blonde
bride went to the doctor to say, "This is my first day of marriage, and
there is something that bothers me."
Doctor: "What is it?"
Blonde Bride: "Well, during sex I feel his dick touch my kidneys."
Doctor: "Just send in your groom, and I will cut a
couple of inches off and hopefully it will not reach your kidneys."
Blonde Bride: "No, I want you to remove my kidneys instead."
What do you call a handcuffed man?
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping
for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach.
The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and
plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy,
I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he
comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot
bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he
comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy
talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more
and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
Did you hear about the new Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in the same room?
A full set of teeth!
Dear Dr. Dover:

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile.
My reasons are numerous. After being married for seven
years and having had 7 children, I have come to the
conclusion that contraceptives are useless.

After getting married I was advised to use the rhythm method.
Despite trying the Tango and the Samba, my wife fell
pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-Cha.
Apart from that, where do you find a band when you get
the urge at two o'clock in the morning?

A doctor suggested the safe period. At the time, we
were living with the in-laws and we had to wait 3
weeks for the safe period, when the house was empty.
Needless to say this didn't work, and the wife got

A lady of several years' experience said if we made
love while breast feeding we would be all right. Well,
I finished up with clear skin, Silky Hair and was very
healthy, but the wife got pregnant yet again.

Another tale we heard was if the wife jumped up and
down after intercourse this would prevent pregnancy.
She slipped a disk but still got pregnant again.

I asked the chemist about the condoms and he
demonstrated them, so I bought a packet. My wife fell
pregnant again, which did not surprise me as I never
did believe how stretching one of those things over
your thumb could prevent babies. We tried the coil
next but that didn't work. It had a left-hand screw
and my wife is definitely a right-hand screw.

The Dutch cap was next and seemed to be our answer,
but my wife got severe headaches when the only size
available was too tight across the forehead.

Eventually we tried the Pill, but it kept dropping
out, so she tried it between her knees and I couldn't
get anywhere near her.

You must appreciate my problems. If I can't have the
operation I will have to resort to oral sex, and I
can't believe that talking about it is any
substitute for the real thing.

Yours sincerely,

Bubba Brickhead