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A beautiful young girl comes home and says, "Ma, I got married."
Her mother says, "Oy, that's great."
She says, "But, Ma, he's an Arab."
Her mother says, "Oy, that's not so great."
She says, "But, Ma, he's an Arab sheik. He's wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You and Daddy are going to live in the lap of luxury for the rest
of your lives."
Six months later, she walks in the house and says, "Ma, I love my Arab
sheik, but my God, all he wants to do is boff me in my ass.
Day and night,that's all he'll do is bang me in my ass.
When I got married, my asshole was the size of a dime...now, it's the
size of a silver dollar."
Her mother says, "So for ninety cents you're going to make trouble?"
Did you hear about the women who went fishing with a group of men?
she came back with a red snapper!
One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.
She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?"
"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.
"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained
"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!"
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia,
Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was a da treep?" Luigi said,
"Ever'thing was a perfect except for da train a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station.
My beautifula Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino and
cigars for a me, and a we were looking a 'forward to da trip.
All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha basket.
The conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say,
'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'"
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big'a
lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino! .
Conductor walk by me again, wag his'a finger and say,
'No drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car."
"So we go to club'a car. While'a drinking vino, I start to light'a my
big'a cigar. The conductor, he wag'a his finger again and say,
'No smoke'a in dese'a car. Must'a go to smoker car.'"
"We go to smoker car and I smoke'a my cigar.
Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and'a go to bed.
We just about to have'a sex and the conductor, he walk'a through car
corridor shouting at top of his voice,
'NO-FOLK'A, VIRGINIA!' 'NO-FOLK'A VIRGINIA!"
These three men went into business together and the irst one said:
"I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president
and chairman of the board."
"I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm
appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."
"Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner.
"What's that make me?"
The chairman said,
"I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music."
"That sounds mighty fine," said the third man,
"but what does it mean?"
"It means what when I want your fucking advice, I'll whistle."
Two Irish farmers bought a truckload of watermelons, paying one dollar
a piece for them. Then they drove to the market and sold all their
melons for the SAME price ($1) they'd paid for them.
After counting their money at the end of the day, they realize they ended
up with no more money than they started with. "See!" said one.
"I told you we shoulda got a bigger truck."
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little
girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car,
the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think
that?" "The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest
What did the doctor say to the nervous patient who was about to have a
"It won't be long now....!!"
A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a
"lovers point" where they started making out.
After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky,
so he asked her "Do you want to go in the back seat?
NO!" she answered.
Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and
skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot,
so he asks again, "Do you want to go in the back seat?
"NO!" she answers again.
Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his
pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want to now.
"Do you want to go in the back seat?" he asks again.
NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands "Well, why not!
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"
There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church
to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.
When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?"
She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough.
A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home.
Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A
cock". He is pissed because she seemed more pure than the first but oh well.
A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't
go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.
He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says
"A pee-pee" He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman.
They get married but after several months every time she sees his
member she giggles and says "That's your pee-pee." He finally breaks
down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock."
She laughs and says "No it's not, a cock is ten inches long and black."