020229 - new calender
I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.
While making love to his wife, Martin discovered he couldn't enjoy it.
Though they had been married only a few years, he reflected unhappily,
their love-making had become infrequent and bland.
Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said: "What happened, did I hurt you ?"
"Why no, not at all." said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask that?"
"Well... no reason actually." the bored husband replied with a sigh,
"It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actually moved..."
WHAT HAS 100 TEETH AND CAN HOLD BACK A MONSTER?
The definition of a Jewish menage a trois?
Two headaches and a hard-on.
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone
has to go to the bathroom, hold up one finger if you have to pee pee,
and hold up two fingers if you have to make ka ka.
The morning went fine as the children understood the system for
going to the bathroom.
Mid-day, in the back of the classroom, little Johnny started to shout,
" Teacher !, Teacher...Quick give me a number...I have to fart ! "
After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen
stormed out of the room after the class was over.
Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what
in the world is the matter with you ? You look as if you're about to
"I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that
All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved
tossing a coin for position."
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle
of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so
they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for
Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without
instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two
people: one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person
to do time studies (GS-11).
Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the
tasks correctly?" So they created a Q.C. position and hired two
people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they
created the following positions, a timekeeper (GS-09) and a payroll
officer (GS-11) and hired two people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?"
So they created an administrative position and hired three people: an
Admin. Officer (GM-13), an Assistant Admin. Officer (GS-13) and a Legal
Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year
and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost," so they
laid off the night watchman.
A guy offers to buy a drink for an attractive young woman seated at a
bar. She gives him the green light, so he goes to the end of the bar
and whispers to the bartender to make up a Martini for her and to put
some Spanish-fly in the drink. The bartender whispers back to say he's
all out of Spanish-fly and all he has left is Jewish-fly.
Shrugging his shoulders, the guy says, OK, put some of that in her
drink. As she sips on the drink, she gets more and more cozy, really
warming up to the guy. Finally, she finishes the drink, leans over
and whispers in his ear, .....Let's go shopping.
A Priest lost his pet rooster and couldn't find it no matter how
many times he checked around his Parish. Frustrated, he
decided to bring it up during his Sunday Mass. From the pulpit,
he asked loudly, "Anyone got a cock?" All the men inside the
Church stood up! "No, I mean, has anyone seen a cock?"
All the women inside the Church stood up. "No, no, no...what
I mean is...has anyone seen MY cock?" All the nuns stood up!