020309 - www.solstikkan.has.it is updated with old jokes....
A saleswoman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when she sees a
Native American Indian Maiden thumbing for a ride on the side of the road.
As the trip had been long and quiet, she stops the car and the Indian
Maiden gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian Maiden notices a
brown bag on the front seat.
"What's in the bag?", asks the Indian Maiden.
"It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband", says the saleswoman.
The Indian Maiden is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."
The newlywed couple come back from their honeymoon. The bride's mother
asks the groom: Did you enjoy "the whole thing"?
The groom answers: Yes, I enjoyed the "hole" and she enjoyed the "thing"!!
A woman who had the worst chronic headache goes to a famous "new age"
holistic doctor, as a last resort.
"Doctor, I have tried everything, but my headache just won't go away."
The doctor replied, "You have come to the right place. This is what
I want you to do: go home, stare at yourself in the mirror, point your
index fingers at your temples, and repeat this mantra: "I really don't
have a headache, I really don't have a headache". Do it as long as it
takes, the headache is just going to vanish."
As she leaves the doctor's office, skeptical but curious at the same
time, she tries the maneuver in front of the mirror in the elevator.
Fingers pointed at her temples, she starts repeating "I really don't
have a headache, I really don't have a headache...". She has barely
said it four times, when she realizes her headache is gone. Shocked and
elated, she runs back up to the doctor.
"Doctor, you are a genius! Can I please send you my husband?
He's been having problems in a certain department... how can I put
"When was the last time you two had sex?" "About eight years ago."
"Send him over."
A few days later, she is waiting with baited breath for her husband
to come home from the doctor. He arrives, asks her to wait, and goes
straight to the bathroom. When he comes out, he throws her on the couch
and starts making wild passionate love to her, . When he's finished, he
goes right back to the bathroom.
A few minutes later he comes out, rouses her from her bliss and starts
at it again, like an insatiable young man. After another hour of great
sex he goes and locks himself in the bathroom again. At this point the
wife has become unbearably curious. She tiptoes to the bathroom door,
looks through the keyhole, and sees her husband, staring at himself in
the mirror, fingers pointed at his temples, repeating:
"That woman is not my wife, that woman is not my wife....."
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"
she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil
spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of
"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped
a box full of cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny.
"Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.
They all said the same thing.
Hey, this tastes like shit!
Then I would say.............." It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
A man and his girlfriend were driving across the desert when they had a
flat on the car. getting out, the boyfriend was about to start changing
it when he spotted a cowboy sitting on his horse , rolling a smoke.
He told his girlfriend that he would make the cowboy change the tire
and for her to just wait there. "hey asshole,get down off of that horse
and come over here and change this tire" he said.
The cowboy continued to roll the smoke and ignored him. "Hey shithead,
I told you to get over here and change this tire or I'm going to kick
The cowboy looked at him and then said" I'll tell you what, fella".
"I'm going to finish my smoke. then I'm going to get down off
my horse, kick your ass, make you change that tire while I fuck your
girlfriend". "And, I'm gonna make you hold my balls up out of the hot
sand while I do it".
As they were driving on across the desert, the girlfriend says
"that cowboy was pretty tough, wasn't he baby"?
"naw, he wasn't so tough", said the guy.
"Did you see him flinch everytime I dropped his balls in the hot sand.
Bubba's old uncle Herman goes into an ice cream parlour walking very
shakily with a cane. He sits down at the counter and orders a
chocolate sundae from the soda jerk.
The soda jerk asks him, "Crushed nuts?"
Herman replies, "No, arthritis."
A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds
attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged,
masculine features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be
attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead.
An auto mechanic received a repair order from a blonde women that read:
"Check for clunking sound when going around corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment
later he heard a 'clunk.' He then made a left turn and again heard a 'clunk.'
Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem.
Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with the
notation, "Removed bowling ball from trunk".
Why is a blonde like Australia?
They're both down under, and no one cares.
As a couple were getting ready for bed, the husband coming from the
bathroom and jumps in bed, his wife whines "I have a headache"
he replies "Perfect!! I just powdered my dick in aspirin, you can take
it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you "