"Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?"
Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint
she replied that she suffered from a discharge.
He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so.... The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her
"private parts."
After a couple of minutes he asked, "How does that feel?"
"Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my ear."
One woman was complaining to her friend,
"My sex life is awful. My husband doesn't have the foggiest idea how to
make me come. What's worse is, he gets mad when I try to tell him."
"Do what I did," 2nd gal replied. "I told my husband that I was
exactly like his Computer."
"Like his Computer?" replies the 1st woman.
"Yeah," the 2nd woman replied. "We both come with instructions."
A man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.
"I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground,
assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man
brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."

The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go
hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when
suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on
the head.
The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine.
The two blondes made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a
knife to claim their trophy.

Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not
now, I'm busy."

Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should
look at this."

Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in
my hand."
But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."

So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were
five thousand red Indians.

Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh . . . my . . . God . . . we're
going to be millionaires!"
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun they
just don't remember with whom.
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with Harry, one of
her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the

second -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would

give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he
was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was
brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to
take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go
to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains a thin whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut"
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and
a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
Harry: "Shake hands"
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do. Who am I?
Harry: "Tent"
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first. Who am I?
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good. Who am I?
Harry: "Nose"
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
Who am I?
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F'and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of heat and excitement?
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."