A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
So he goes to a priest and asks ....... for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath."
The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"
So he goes to a minister, who ...... after all ...... is a married man,
and experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply.
"Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!"
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi,
a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states,
" My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "My son ...... if sex were work ......
my wife would have the maid do it."
Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
Little Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'.
A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to
everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man
takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first
night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the
pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm
sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to
have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this
though: She gave me $20 change!''
Bill had just returned from a week of honeymooning, and his best friend asked him how it went.
"The first night we did it nine times,"
"The second night, eight times.
The third night, seven times.
The fourth night, six times.
The fifth night, five times.
The sixth night, four times,
and the last night, nothing!"
"Nothing?" his pal asked. "How come?"
"Hey, you ever tried shoving a wet noodle up a wild cat's ass"?
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son
riding a new 21 speed mountain bike. "Where did you get the
money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth," Johnny replied. "Every night you were
gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom.
He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"
Three Polish guys go out on the town, looking for a good time. The
first looses no time in picking up a cute brunette, and they disappear off to her place.
The second soon finds a willing redhead and they check into a motel across the street.
The third eyes an attractive blonde and asks if she wants to come back to his apartment and have a wild time.
"I'd love to" she says, "but I'm on my menstrual cycle."
'That's all right" says the Pole, "I rode my moped."
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Some where I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
Grandpa and Grandma were living with their son and daughter-in-law.
Grandpa noticed that his son had a bottle of Viagra and asked if he could
His son said, "Dad, I don't think you should take one, they're very
strong and expensive."
Grandpa said, "I know, but I want to try one. How much are they??"
His son replied, $10 each. Grandpa only had a $50 bill but was going to
the bank. He told his son that he would leave $10 under his pillow
The next morning his son found $110 under his pillow and said,
"Dad, I told you it was only $10. There's $110 under my pillow!!"
Grandpa said, "That's ok, the other $100 is from Grandma!!"