020411 - read them all on : www.solstikkan.has.it ================================================================= A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object. "I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 24 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, and a steak lover. It's $500,000." "Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!" "Yeah, but it's from a lawyer and never been used." ================================================================= Men are like a deck of cards. You'll find the occasional king, but most are jacks. ================================================================= Paul and Steve were sitting in a bar, and Paul was looking really down in the dumps. "What's the matter?" Steve asked. "I don't get it," Paul sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many damn people you have to please. Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but her father hated me. Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really liked me, but SHE didn't like me. And then there was this woman I met last night. She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too. BUT her husband couldn't stand me...!" ================================================================= A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?" "I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied. "No, I won't." Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax." With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool. See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh !" "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you." ================================================================ My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty... ====================================================================== Billy Bob and Rusty are walkin' through the drug store. Rusty turns to Billy Bob and asks, "What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Billy Bob replied, "I think it's the taste!" ====================================================================== The other day I was in the local auto part store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost some how and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on," they asked? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said its a Buick. " OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?," we asked. She said, "I don't know, but its always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a pic- ture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it...and they just fall down behind the counter laughing so hard in hysterics. One guy said " I think you want an oil cap." She said, "Seven Ten cap, oil cap, I don't care what you call it, I just need one, and I don't see what is so damn funny about it." Yes, she was a blonde. Note: If you read "710" upside down.... it is spells OIL!!!! ================================================================