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020416 -
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WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE TOO LONG? Polaroids.
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My boyfriend and I were at my daughter's volleyball game when we noticed an adult couple in the bleachers. They were being VERY affectionate.
She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest.
I said to my boyfriend, "I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
He said, "Watch THEM ! You already KNOW how to play volleyball."
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A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and
came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you
shouldn't be doing that", said the priest. "You should be saving
that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said "Yes, Father."
About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young man, in his
early twenties came in.

"Yes, my son?" said the priest.

"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me
masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then."

"And what was that, my son?"

"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be
saving it for when I get married", said the young man.

"That sounds like something I probably would have said" said the
priest. "Did you take my advice?"

"Yes I did, Father; but there's only one problem."

"What's that, my son?"

"Well, I have a 55 gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my
pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I supposed
to do with it?"
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Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding.
"I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."
His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that."
"All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel.
You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if
she laughs and says, 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!'
you hit her with the shovel!"
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Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset
and throws him out he goes and sits outside the class and can't stop
laughing.
The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.
He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing ?"
Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher throw me out"
The principle says, "Well then why are you laughing ?"
Little Johnny says, "Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class
smelling my fart and they put me outside in this beautiful weather"
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It’s Harold’s first day in the carpool. They honk the horn in front of
his house and he comes running out. He gets about halfway down the walk
when he hears a grunt and the sound of his wife’s foot tapping on the porch.

He turns around and there she is, scowling at him. He runs back to the
steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over, kisses her on the snatch, runs
back down the walk and hops in the car.

They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Burnett, the driver,
can’t stand it. Burnett asks, Harold, it’s none of my business, but
why’d you kiss her down there?

Harold says, You wouldn’t believe her breath in the morning.
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DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT:
* Thought that 'Moby Dick' was a venereal disease.
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