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How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the
time they don't work.
Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells.
But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The results of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and engineering performance.

It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving university and getting married, most engineers cannot keep up with the performance
of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual
levels that they achieved during their university years. So, this is a call to arms.

As our country is losing its technological edge we should not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars! Quaff that beer! Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.

Be all that you can be. Have another beer!
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they came upon
this harem with over 100 beautiful women.

They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the
Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can
touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done
You will each die and in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a
"I'm a cop," says the first man.
"All right, shoot his penis off!", said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a
"I'm a fireman," said the second man.
"All right, burn his penis off!" said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a
And the third man answered, with a big smile on his face, "I'm a
lollipop salesman!"
How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.
There was 2 blondes walking down the street one says "look at that dog
with one eye!" the other blonde covers one eye and stares at the dog.