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020525 - - www.panda-sonic.has.it - it = new monkey video !!
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A woman answers her front door and finds two little boys holding a piece of paper.

"Lady," one of them explains, "we're on a scavenger hunt. To earn a dollar, we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper."

"Wow," the woman replies. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?"

"Our baby sitter's boyfriend."
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A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out his window and yells, "B*TCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.....

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His four children were gathered around Mr. Stanley's deathbed.

As the eighty-year-old man seemed to doze off in a blissful sleep, the children started to discuss the final funeral plans.

One wanted to spend a hundred dollars for a coffin, a second thought a plain wooden box would do, and the third was even ready to dump the remains into a paper sack.

All agreed there was no reason to spend much money, as their father would never know the difference.

Mr. Stanley stirred. Having heard every word, he thought it was time to set the record straight.

"Children," he said, "I've never told you this and never wanted to, but I can't go to my final resting place with this burden. My darling children, your mother and I were never married."

His oldest son was aghast. "You mean we're all bastards?"

Mr. Stanley said, "Yes. And cheap ones too!"
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Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, '"What's that Mommy?'" A little embarrassed, she tells him that is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys.
Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bush for bikini season. Tommy asks her, "'Where is your sponge mommy?"
Again embarrassed she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon.

Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it. His mother says OK and goes back to showering. Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge.

"'What do you mean you found my sponge? Where?"

"The lady next door has it and she's washing Daddy's face with it!"
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A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
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Things weren't going too well for the husband business-wise
and he got his wife an imitation tennis bracelet, instead of
the real one she wanted for their anniversary.
"I hope you understand sweetheart, but you can pretend it's real."
"Fine!" she said pouting, "And tonight in bed, you can
pretend I'm there under you."
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Little Johnny went to his doctor, quite worried, and asks, "Doctor,
you've gotta help me, I think I might be gay, can you help me!?!"

The doctor does a thorough examination of him and says, "You seem
perfectly normal to me, I don't think you have anything to worry
about. I see no indication that you might be a homosexual. Why do
you feel you may be gay?"

"Well, every time I look in the mirror, I get an erection!" Little
Johnny says anxiously.

"Well, that has nothing to do with being gay," explained the Doctor.
"It's just because you look like a pussy."
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