020529 - see THE SNAKE at www.solstikkan.has.it
Whats the difference between men and batteries?
Batteries have a positive side.
Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive.
I have an old friend from high school who's been married so many
times, she's got rice marks all over her face.
The boss came in and asked the new secretary, "Linda, do you know the difference between a Caesar Salad and a blow job?"
"No," she replied.
"Great! Let's go have lunch."
After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out really great for us! We gained 4 new families."
The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families."
The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?"
The other replied, "Yup, a big one... 20 years."
"Wow," said the other, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?"
The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia."
"Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?"
"Go back and get her."
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a
As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was
going to pay for services. He was asked if he had health insurance.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly. "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replies, "Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings.
The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" promptly slamming the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform.
It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order.
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, laughing so hard he could barely talk.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.