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020601 - www.solstikkan.has.it -------- NEW PICS
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Marriage is like taking a hot bath.
After you've been in it for a while... it isn't so hot.
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Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?"
The other replied, "Yup, a big one... 20 years."
"Wow," said the other, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?"
The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia."
"Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?"
"Go back and get her."
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The college dorm advisor heard strange noises from Todd's room, well after lights-out. He knocked on the door and said,
"Mr. Todd! Are you entertaining in there?"
From behind the door, Todd answered, "Just a second I'll ask her!"
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If you marry a Jewish man, make sure he is a Reform Jew.
That way, you know he'll always bring home the bacon.
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A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the pharmacist, "I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find 'em?"

The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4."

"No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the farmer.

"Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide."

"Listen here," argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on it,
my wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it."
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Life with Men is like a deck of cards......
You need a Heart to love them;
a Diamond to marry them;
a Club to beat them;
and a Spade to bury the bastards.
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What's the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare
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The blonde woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, ... as a matter if fact, Yes !" she replied.
"I've been divorced three times."
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Did you hear about the blonde that hooked up her VCR to the microwave?
She watched The Godfather in three minutes!
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What's the difference between a blonde guy and a blonde girl?
The blonde girl's sperm count is higher.
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A pig farmer in Alabama was trying to get his pigs to breed, with no success. Every morning, he'd run outside to the barn and perform a pregnancy test on the female pigs. Everyday, the results were negative.
The farmer was baffled.

One day, he called the local vet and asked for some advice. The farmer explained that he couldn't get his pigs to mate. The vet replied, "Try artificial insemination."

"What's that?" the farmer asked.

The veterinarian said, "It just means if you can't get your pigs to mate, you'll have to do it for them."

So the next day the farmer rounded his pigs into the back of his pickup and headed into the woods. Soon he stopped, and one by one he shagged each of the pigs.

Later that week, the farmer checked the pigs. None of them were pregnant! So the farmer took the pigs out again and shagged them really good.

After days of this, with no pregnant pigs, the farmer gave up.

One morning as he went to feed the pigs, he arrived to find that the pigs were all missing! He ran back inside the house and shouted, "Wife! The pigs are gone!"

His wife replied, "Honey you're not going to believe this, but all of your pigs are sitting in your pickup, and one of them is honking the horn."
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Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy."
"Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, " I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!"
"Oh, Jack," she responded, "it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped. "It helps her constipation, you know."
So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night, Jack closed the store and walked home.
As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine? And she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk.
A crowd was gathering. Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! And you told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"

Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied, "And so it is,
me lad, so it is. When she sees me, she's gonna shit."
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