020606 -
A Jewish mother is walking down the street with her two young sons.
A passerby asks her how old the boys are.
"The doctor is three" the mother answers, "and the lawyer is two."
A Fundamentalist Minister in Alabama, sorely tempted, finally propositioned the sexy Choir director one night after practice, when they were alone in the Church.

"Where Reverend ?" she enthusiastically replied.

"Right here on the floor." he panted.

"It'd be too cold." she whispered.
"How about standing up?"

"Good Lord girl. Have you taken leave of you senses?" he shouted.
"If anyone came in, they'd think we were dancing."
What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia?
One of them is organized.
Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don't need anyone" they replied.

"You can't afford not to hire me.
I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"

"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell.
If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them
two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.

"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.

"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman,
I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a
urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."

Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in
he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets
the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two
bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's
Mr.Brown's and this one is Mr.Smith's."

"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"

"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state
teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy.
Johnny is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, he hits everything but the toilet. So mom has to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Johnny to the Doctor.
After the examination, the Dr says, his penis is too small. An Old wives tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and it will grow so he can hold it and aim straight.
Next morning Johnny jumps out of bed and runs down to the kitchen.
There on the table are 12 slices of toast.
MOM, Johnny yells, the Doc said I only had to eat 2 slices.
I KNOW, says Mom, the other 10 are for your DAD.
Bambi, the blonde in her fourth freshman year at UCLA, sat in her U.S.
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi thought a moment, then answered, "that was the decision George
Washington had to make when he decided to cross the Delaware."
What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Buckwheat and Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla:
"How do you spell 'dumb'?"
Darla says, "d-u-m-b, dumb."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
She says, "Buckwheat is dumb."
The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid.'"
Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid."
When the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell dictate."
Buckwheat stands and says, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate."
The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence."
Buckwheat ponders for a few seconds, then spurts out,
"I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"