020616 - www.solstikkan.has.it -- !!!!!! 20 NEW PIX !!!!!!
One day, Earl-Bob walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.
"That wench I call my wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."
The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" he asked.
"Yep, except today is the last night."
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.
Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, surprised, and the bartender looks around and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya? Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
WHAT IS THE THINNEST BOOK IN THE WORLD?
"What Men Know About Women"
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND GOVERNMENT BONDS?
Mrs. Prezocki walks into a sex store and says to the salesman, "Where are the dildos?"
The clerk points and says, "On the wall over there."
She looks and says, "I want one of the red ones."
The salesman says, "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher."
This woman dies and goes to heaven.
While waiting in line, she hears this terrible screaming and moaning.
This disturbs her somewhat, so she tracks down St. Peter to find out what is going on.
"Oh that" he says, "that's just the woman in front of you.
They are drilling holes in her back to attach her wings."
The woman is still a bit upset by this and is pondering her position
when the screaming starts again.
This time it is louder and more blood curdling than before.
She calls St. Peter over again to find out what is happening to the woman now.
"Oh that" he says, "they're just drilling holes in her head
to attach the halo."
The woman decides that she wants out and tells St. Peter that she has changed her mind and wants to be sent to hell.
"Are you sure you want to go there?" he says. "It's a terrible place,
you'll end up getting sodomized and raped and even worse!"
"That's okay" says the woman, "I already have the holes for that !"
Mike met a young woman at the Carnival and later went out for drinks.
She then invited him back to her place for the night.
She led him into her bedroom where he saw Fluffy Toys everywhere.
On top of the Wardrobe cabinet, on the Bookshelf, on the Windowsill, on the floor and all over the Bed.
Mike moved the toys off the Bed and made his move and things turned passionate very quickly. When they were finished, Mike rolled over and lit a cigarette.
"So," Mike asked, "How was I ?"
"Well," she replied, "Let's put it this way; You can take anything from
the bottom shelf."
A man hires a blonde to paint stripes down a road, but she has to keep the contract and do at least four miles each day. The first day, the blonde does 8 miles. The boss is extremely impressed. The second day the blonde does 4 miles. The boss is somewhat impressed, but not as much as before.
The third day, the blonde does two miles. The boss thinks she is just having a bad day, so he still lets her keep the job. The fourth day, the blonde only does 1 mile.
The boss asks, "You were doing so well before. Why aren't you doing well now?!" The blonde replies, "I can't get far because each day I'm getting further and further away from the bucket."
Two nuns were riding their bikes down the back streets of Rome when the first nun says "I've never come this way before." The second nun replied "It's the cobblestones."
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN BECAUSE...
The average cucumber is at least six inches long
Cucumbers stay hard for a week
A cucumber won't tell you, "size doesn't matter"
Cucumbers don't get "too" excited
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety
Cucumbers are easy to pick up
You can eat a cucumber when you feel like
A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin
Cucumbers won't ask, "Am I the best? How was it?"
No matter how old you are you can always get a fresh cucumber
A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache
With a cucumber you never have to say you're sorry
A cucumber will never leave you for another woman
You always know where your cucumber has been
Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month
It's easy to drop a cucumber
No matter how to slice it, you can have your cuke and eat it too!