My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman
was when I visited the Statue of Liberty...
At their high school reunion Sarah and Esther meet up for the first time in fifty years.
Sarah begins to tell Esther about her children: "My son is a doctor and he's got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?"
Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don't have any children and so we have no grandchildren either."
Sarah says, "No children.... and no grandchildren! So tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"
The bride it turned out was very religious. As soon as she got married, she put a sign above their bed, "I need thee every day."
So the following day, the husband put up his own sign next to hers, "Oh Lord, give me strength."
One summer, the company Dave worked for transferred him to another city, and Dave was told that he had to take a new physical with the company doctor.
All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Dave had the smallest dick he'd ever seen. "Do you have any difficulties with it being so small?" the doc asked.
"Shit, no," Dave said. "I've got a wife, three kids, and a great sex life. But I do sometimes have a problem finding it in the daytime."
"What about at night?" the doc asked.
"Nights are no problem," Dave said. 'cause there's two of us looking for it then."
"Well," replies Fred, "truth be known, I'm just bored with fuckin' the same hole night after night after night. I guess I'm hankering' for a bit of variety."
Jim replied, "Well, if you want variety, why don't you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?"
Fred says, "What? And have a house full of kids?"
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.