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020801 - !!!! www.solstikkan.has.it have new pix again !!!!
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1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex
4. It is very important that these three women never meet!
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The Mother was concerned that perhaps her daughter was not only not quite as chaste as she should be, but lately, didn't even seem to be selective.
Trying to open a conversation on the subject of morals she asked,
"Susan, do you know where bad girls go ?"
"Sure Mom." the daughter replied. "Anywhere they want!"
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The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was
having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact
the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then
told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and
until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying,
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"
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A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietitian.
She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting,
exercise, and other things. Her final question to the dietitian sparked
his interest. She asked, "How many calories are in sperm?"
"Why?" he asked.
She explained some of the things she liked to do.
After thinking a minute, he said, "I really have no clue. But if you're
consuming that much of it, no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"
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There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,
"Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered,
"Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas,
he decided to visit a bar.
Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed
between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The
bartender replied,
"Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man
asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender
replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the
bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door.
Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and
fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting...
"Don't flush, don't flush!"
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Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl,
"I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond.
If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."
So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice.
Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out.
He only saw two ducks out there."
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?"
Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself.
When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that
dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"
Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road.
If you want, you can get one from him, too."
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his
friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home,
tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns
with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says,
"This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he
sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in it's
mouth and started humping his leg.
The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there
are more f-cking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at.
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should
be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning madam. I've come to......"

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
is fun too.... you can really spread out!"

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, my, that's a lot of ..! ! ." gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered. The photographer opened his
briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

"This was done on the top of a bus."

"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, but the mother was difficult."

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing
to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate!
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

"...On your um...equipment ?"

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
that we can get to work."

"Tripod??"

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big
for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!!!"
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