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020918 --- #### new today pix on www.solstikkan.has.it ######
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Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet." Robin Williams.
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When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."
Author Unknown.
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The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served
us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
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Jacob (87) and Rebecca (82) are all excited about their decision to get
married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go
past a super drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers "Yes".

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, constipation, and sleeping pills?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob turns to Rebecca: "Sweetheart, we might as well register
our wedding gift list with them."
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Two happy out of work bums decided that they would be better
off begging in a more downtown location so they hitched a ride.
The driver dropped them off in the city's red-light district.

A hooker approached one of the bums and said, "Say guy...
...Would you like a hand job?"

The bum shook his head and said, "Errr... no, it's ok."

A few minutes later another hooker approached the bums and said,
"Say guys... Would you like a blow job?"

The bum again shook his head and said, "Errr... no, it's ok."

After the hooker left one bum turned to his buddy and said,
"We'd better go back where we came from. We've only been
here 10 minutes, and we've been offered two jobs already!"
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When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, Morris, the clerk said he had some very good news for him.

"Guess what, sir?" Morris said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!"

"Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked."

"That's the one!" said the clerk.

"That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me, why is your hand bandaged?"

"Oh," Morris replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
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A guest in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one
morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile, "Good Morning,
sir. What a wonderful morning! I'd like two boiled eggs, one of them so
undercooked that it's runny, and the other so overcooked that it's
tough and hard to eat.
Also, I want some grilled bacon that has been left out
so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as
soon as you touch it with a knife; and I'd like some butter straight
from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of weak
coffee, luke-warm."
"I'm sorry, sir." said the bewildered waiter. "We cannot do that for
you."
The guest replied, "Oh?, But that's what I got yesterday!"
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One day in the Garden of Eden while Adam was away, Eve became really horny. As she was not expecting Adam back for a while, she decided to go off and look for some fun.
Walking along, she spotted a dinosaur, grabbed it, and fucked it till it died. Still not satisfied,she came across some monkeys playing in the trees.
She tried to grab them, but all she could get were handfuls of their hair. She continued on and came to a stream.
She reached in and pulled at the biggest fish she could find and, using it like a dildo, fucked herself until she was satisfied. This has taught science many things.
We now know why the dinosaurs became extinct.
We also know why monkeys have no hair on their ass.
But to this day we still don't know how fish used to smell.
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A lady bought a new Lexus, which cost a bundle. Two days later, she
brought it back complaining that the radio wasn't working.
"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is
completely automated. All you need to do is tell it what you want to
listen to and you will hear exactly that!"

She drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looks
at the radio and says, "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or
Willie?"

Soon she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of "On The
Road Again." The lady was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's
what she got. If she wanted, Nat King Cole, she got it.

Stopped at an intersection, her light turned green and she pulled out.
Off to her right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a sports
utility vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved and narrowly avoided a
collision.

"ASSHOLE..." she muttered. And, from the radio: "Ladies and
gentlemen, the President of the United States."
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Young Leroy, roughly 10 years of age, is walking downtown and a girl calls to him, "blowjob, twenty dollars." He gives her a strange look and keeps walking.

Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking.
The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was
"Mom, what's a blowjob?"

His mom replies, " Twenty dollars, just like downtown!"
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Do you know how Scotlanders practice safe sex?
They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
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