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020931 - remember the new pix @ www.solstikkan.has.it
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
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An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."

The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
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What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
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One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman.
Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment, killing him instantly.
When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself.
Well, Your Honor, she began coolly. I figured that at 92, if he could fuck, he could fly!
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What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
The tick stops draining you and drops off after you're dead.
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Why do blondes drive BMWs
Because they can spell it.
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Sister Karen Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said,
Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you
like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so....."

Sister Karen Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest
said to her, "Sister Karen Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You
can speak two words."

Sister Karen Katherine said, "Hard bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better
bed......."

After another 5 years, Sister Karen Katherine was called by the
Priest..."You may say another two words, Sister Karen Katherine."

"Cold food," said Sister Karen Katherine, and the Priest assured her that
the food would be better in the future...

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister
Karen Katherine into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I quit," said Sister Karen Katherine.

"It is probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but complain
since you got here."
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"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"
"Nothing special sir," he said. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
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Why don't blondes like anal sex?
They don`t like their brains being screwed with.
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Morris a ninety-year old man lived in a retirement home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.
As the evening progressed, Morris, the old man joined the lady and they
went to her apartment, where they got it on.
Two days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and
he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the
doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.
The old man said, "Sure did!"
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.
"Yes,...but why?"
"Well you'd better get over there... you're about to cum."
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Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood
bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to
which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti!
How about you, how's that toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied Bubba,
"I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
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