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021031 - !!! See the Sweden Elk @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!
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Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains?
So they know where to stop shaving.
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What is the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
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Three men are sitting in the maternity ward of a hospital waiting for the imminent birth of their respective children. One's an Englishman, one a Welshman and the other a Jamaican. They are all very nervous and pacing the
floor. All of a sudden the doctor bursts through the double doors saying

"Gentlemen you won't believe this but your wives have all had their babies
within 5 minutes of each other."
The men are beside themselves with happiness and joy.
"And", said the doctor, "They have all had little boys."

The fathers are ecstatic and congratulate each other over and over.
"However we do have one slight problem," the doctor said. "In all the confusion we may have mixed the babies up getting them to the nursery and would be grateful if you could join us there to try and help identify them."

With that the Englishman raced past the doctor and bolted to the nursery.
Once inside he picked up a dark skinned infant with dreadlocks saying,
"There's no doubt about it, this boy is mine!"

The doctor looked bewildered and said,
"Well sir, of all the babies I would have thought that maybe this child could be of Jamaican descent."

"True", said the Englishman, "but one of the other two is f#*king Welsh and I'm not taking the risk."
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What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
Its Braille for "suck here."
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You know you're leading a sad life when a nymphomaniac tells you ...
"Let's just be friends."
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"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the new employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on.
"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."
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A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget.
Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!"
Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and
says, "Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"
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Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full...of
course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
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Eve walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
Eve then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work.
Her boss asks,"What is that shiny object?"
She replies "It's a thermos."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss then asks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two Chocolate ice cream bars, two cups of coffee and a few pickles, because I hate lukewarm pickles in my sandwich."
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Its great to be a woman!!!

Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies (you get the point).
You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you're gay.
You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU'RE gay.
You know The Truth about whether size matters.
Speeding ticket? What's that?
New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
You never had to walk the high school halls with your notebook strategically positioned.
If you have sex with someone, and don't call him or her the next day, you're not the devil.
Condoms make no significant difference in your enjoyment of sex.
If you're not making enough money you can blame the glass ceiling.
Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.
You can sleep your way to the top.
You can sue the President for sexual harassment.
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