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021103 - !!! many new pix at www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!
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If you want a nice man, go for a bald one ... they try harder.
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Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish Texan is sitting between them. The first Texan says, " My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1000 head of cattle and they call my place The Jolly Roger"

The second Texan says, ' My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have 5000 head of cattle and they call my place Big Johns'.

They both look down at the Jewish man who says, ' My name is Irving and I own 300 acres ' .
Roger looks down at him and say, ' 300 Acres ? What do you raise ? '
Notink' Irving says.
Well then, what do you call it?' Asked John.
'Downtown Dallas.'
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A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were away the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he slaughtered the sheep, and cooked it.

That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, ..."Did I screw up the cooking"

"No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."
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The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him $5.
The boy looks at the money and says to the priest,
"Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin."

The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day and he just
manages to finish the job without collapsing.
The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another $5 bill.
Once again the lad looks at the money and says,
"Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin".

At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says, "that's twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?".
"Yes," says the kid, " a tight cunt "
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A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" said the customer.

"Okay," said the bartender. "If you say you paid, you did."

The man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn't keep track of his customers' bills. The second man then rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled the same stunt.

The barkeep replied, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer went into the street, saw an old friend, and told him how to get free drinks.

The man hurried into the bar and began to drink high balls when, suddenly, the bartender leaned over and said, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responded. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
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A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you must help me. Every night I dream that I'm driving a truck from Pittsburgh to New York. I'm so tired I can hardly get up in the morning."

The doctor says, "Tell you what. Next time you have this dream, just call me and I'll come over and drive the truck for you."

The man tries it, and is cured.

Another patient tells the doctor, "I have this same dream every night. I'm making love to four beautiful women, and by morning I'm totally exhausted. Can you help me?"

The doctor says, "Tell you what, next time you have this dream, just call me and I'll come and take a couple of them off your hands."

Two weeks later the man with the over sex problem goes back to the psychiatrist and says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Now these women are bringing their friends, and they're all getting so demanding. I'm so tired I can barely get through the day. Can't you do something?"

"You should have called me." the doctor replied. "I told you I'd take a couple of them off your hands."

"But Doc," he said, "I've been calling you every night, and your service keeps telling me you're out driving a truck from Pittsburgh to New York."
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A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count.
Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,
6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.

"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"

"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.

"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.

Next day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"

"No darling, it's because you're 25."
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Toddler Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hands, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
9. If it's brocolli....it's YOURS.
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