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011127 - - - !!! tabasko kid @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!
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A couple of Texas hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the
operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard..... The hunter says,
"OK, now what?"
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!!! lamobrgini @ www.panda-sonic.has.it !!!
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Two strangers are sitting in an adjacent seats in airplane. One guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"

The first guy says, "Oh, I don't know; how about Nuclear Power?"

The other guy says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"

The first guy says, "I don't know."

The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you'requalified
to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know shit?"
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What do you call a Paki with a dot in the middle of his forehead?
A push start!
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One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes and the Daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."

Her Mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her daughter eye to eye and said in a confidential tone, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from...

That's where jewelry comes from."
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An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.

But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."

The old gal raised her right hand.

"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.

The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in
a small voice, "Uhhh... all by myself?"
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A family was visiting an indian reservation when they happen upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle Of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop.
The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing.
The tribesman began to speak..."woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, Four door station wagon, traveling at 65
m.p.h.".
"That's amazing" exclaimed the father.
"You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground"?
"No", said the old tribesman. "They just ran over me five minutes ago"!
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A blonde woman came screaming into the local police station shouting, "I've been graped! I've been graped!"
The policeman on duty stared and said, "Madam, do you mean you've been raped?"
"No," she said, "there was a bunch of them!"
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Company Memo

Notice: Our company requires no further physical fitness programs.
Everyone gets enough exercise:
jumping to conclusions,
beating around the bush,
running down the boss,
going around in circles,
dragging their feet,
dodging responsibility,
passing the buck,
climbing the ladder,
wading through paperwork,
pulling strings,
throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth,
bending the rules,
and pushing their luck!
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