===============================================================
021221 - - new today pix @ www.solstikkan.has.it :-)))))
================================================================
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you
stopped laughing.
=================================================================
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
================================================================
On their way home after celebrating their 25th. anniversary, she thanks him for a wonderful evening. "Oh. it's not over yet", says he.

Once in the house, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, "But what are these two little pills?"

"Aspirin", says he.

"But I don't have a headache," says she.

"There you are, I told you the evening wasn't over yet," says he.
================================================================
A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch."

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of
much better quality, 6-year-old scotch.

The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch!"

The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch.

The man sips the drink and says, "Now that's more like it."

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "what do you think of this?"

The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the
liquid yelling "WHY, THIS TASTES LIKE PISS!" to which the old drunk replies, "That's right, now guess how old I am."
==============================================================
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a girl wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
=================================================================
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
=================================================================
Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift.

Two days before Christmas Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right f--kin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then when I go downstairs I want to see a motherf--kin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed f--kin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"

Christmas morning Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back in side with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "So Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied, "I think I got a goddamned dog but I can't find the son of a bitch."
================================================================
A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor and says.

"Doc, I'm having problems hearing!"

Doctor says "Lets check this out."

Looks into the man's ear with his flash light and says,

"There's a foreign object in here."

Takes his tweezers and pulls it out.......Doc says to the old man,

"It's a suppository!!"

The old man takes a look, asks the Doc,

"Can I use your phone??
Need to tell the wife that I know where I put that hearing aid!!"
===============================================================
A blonde, a red head and a brunette sign up with a tourist group and chartered a double decker bus to go to London. There are only 2 seats left on the bottom of the bus and only 1 seat in the top of the bus available when they board. They decided to take turns riding in the top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.

A couple of hours later it's the red heads turn so she walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death. She's clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white. "What's going on?" the red head asks. "We're having a grand old time down below."
The blonde replies, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
===============================================================
021221 - - new today pix @ www.solstikkan.has.it :-)))))
================================================================