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Look other jokes at www.solstikkan.has.it
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An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I
don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are the words?"
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Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a while
... it isn't so hot.
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A man walked into a restaurant and seated himself.
Soon, the waitress came over to take his order. ". . .and to drink?" she asked. The man said he would like coffee.
The waitress promptly returned with a cup of coffee, but spilled it on the man's lap when she stopped at the table.
"Oh my God! I am so sorry!"
"That's OK," the man said, sopping up the puddle on his pants with his a napkin.
"But tell me, is this regular or decaf?"
"Regular," she replied.
"Oh great ... now this thing is going to be up all night!"
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Last time I was in the hospital, I really enjoyed myself: Patting the
bottoms of the pretty nurses, offering to show them my circumcision
scar, and the like. One nurse finally had all she could stand of my
crude behaviour and said, "A pervert like you should be living in a whore house!"
I grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be cheaper than here, but I
can't get my insurance to pay for it!"
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A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"
The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"
The bum said, "No."
Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife
can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?
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The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club. "Hey, baby, would you
help me 'raise my mast'?"
"No thanks," she said sweetly. "I heard about you from your ex and she
included a 'small craft' warning."
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At a bookstore the other day, I saw a book entitled "Sex for Dummies".
Why would someone want to teach dumb people how to reproduce? Aren't
there enough of them on the roads now?
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How come the Polish firing squad was never successful?
They always stood in a circle!
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What do you get if you cross a Hell's Angel with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells YOU to
fuck off!
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An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the
pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen, but can you cut each
one into four pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get you
through sex."
The gentleman said, "Oh, that's all right. I'm past eighty years old,
and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out
far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
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How do you know when your wife is a lousy cook?
She uses the smoke detector as a timer. ======================================================================