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020130
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Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.
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One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."
Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pope.
Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out off his bag and began working on it.
"This is fantastic", thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'?
The man was in shock. He could only think of one word that fit the description and he was not about to say it to the Pope.
The gentleman thought for a while longer, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think you're looking for the word 'aunt'."
"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"
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A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to
do something about my husband - he thinks he's a refrigerator!"
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies. "Lots
of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."
"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with
his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."
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A woman was looking into an expensive shop window admiring a pair of
silver shoes when a bloke sidled up beside her.
"Like the shoes? I'll buy them for you if you come to bed with me."
"Okay. But be warned - I don't like sex very much."
He bought the silver shoes & took her back to his hotel where,
once again, she emphasised her lack of enthusiasm. And, indeed,
she just lay there motionless not giving him the slightest
encouragement.
So much so that he was getting bored himself.
Whereupon, she suddenly lifted her legs high in the air and shouted,
"OH, OH WOW!"
"I thought you didn't like sex!" he said with mounting excitement.
"I don't. But I just *love* these new silver shoes!"
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A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are
spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really
know your way around the course. What is your secret?"
To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!"
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He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've
got fifteen bucks."
She says, "FIFTEEN