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020329 ->> solstikkan.has.it is uppdated with many new pix !!
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A cop was walking his beat through a back alley when he caught Little
Johnny having a wank in the long grass.

"What do you think you're doing?" the cop asked.

"What does it look like? I'm having a wank," Little Johnny replied.

"You'd best be careful, boy," the cop warned. "When we catch a young
fella doing that, we cut his dick off, stretch and dry it, put a
leather thong through one end to make a police baton out of it."

"And I bet I know what you do when you catch a girl doing it." said
Little Johnny.

"And what's that?" asked the cop.

"I bet you cut out her cunt, dry and stretch it, then dress it in a
blue uniform and call it a cop!"
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Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have
to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:

"JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read: "TWO FALLEN ANGELS SEEKING PETER---$50.00."
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There were three guys stranded out in the desert, a Frenchman, a German, and a Jew. Finally they came to an oasis and there was a tavern. The Frenchman says "I am hot, sweaty and thirty, I will do as all good Frenchmen do and order wine" The German says "I am hot, sweaty and thirsty and I shall do as all good Germans do, I shall order a beer". The Jew says "I too am hot, sweaty and thirsty, I think I have diabetes".
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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back
together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom
enjoys the Bible, and you know her eyesight has failed her to the point
that she can no longer read.. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite
the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach
him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but
it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the
parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote the first son, "the house you built is so huge. I
live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home
all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "you were the only son to
have the good sense to know what your mother likes.......
That chicken was delicious."
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This ol' gal goes into the pharmacy and looks around each isle
carefully. Meanwhile the pharmacist is noticing her, so he goes over
and asks,"Miss,can I help you find something?"

"Well", she stammers,"Do you have any petroleum jelly with teflon in it?"
He gives her a funny look and shakes his head no then proceeds to
ask,"Why?".

"Well, the next time me and the old man fuck, I wanna make sure the
meat don't stick like last time."
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Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
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Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
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A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally
she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys
her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls
over to the side of the road in a secluded spot.

They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach
under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to
stay that way. "Well, OK," he says, "how a bout a blow job?"

"EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my
mouth!" He says, "Well then, how about a hand job?"

"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"

"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake
up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods.
"Well, it's just like that." So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of
it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on
the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax
blows out of his ears and he screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!
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Mark and Bubba, two army buddies are on leave and decide to go to
Bubba's house and get drunk. Lo and behold they run out of beer so
Bubba says that he will go for more. As he is leaving he tells his wife
Linda-Lou to show Mark her best southern hospitality which she agrees to do.

Bubba comes back with the beer and finds Mark and Linda-Lou fucking
right on the kitchen floor. Bubba yells, " What are you doing Linda-Lou?"
She replies " You told me to show Mark my best southern hospitality."

Bubba then says "Gee whiz girl, arch your back, poor Mark's balls are
on the cold kitchen floor."
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DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT:
* Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.
* Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.
* Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
* Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
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