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020401 -
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"Sex is a killer. Wanna die happy?"
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One woman was complaining to her friend,
"My sex life is awful. My husband doesn't have the foggiest idea how to
make me come. What's worse is, he gets mad when I try to tell him."
"Do what I did," 2nd gal replied. "I told my husband that I was
exactly like his Computer."
"Like his Computer?" replies the 1st woman.
"Yeah," the 2nd woman replied. "We both come with instructions."
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Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint
she replied that she suffered from a discharge.
He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so.... The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her
"private parts."
After a couple of minutes he asked, "How does that feel?"
"Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my ear."
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A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun they
just don't remember with whom.
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After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the
obstetrician.
"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset
because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have
black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the
gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past
year. We only made love once or twice a month."

"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."
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A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with Harry, one of
her students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
second -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade!"
Ms Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he
was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was
brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to
take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go
to the third-grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains a thin whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut"
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and
a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer.
Harry: "Shake hands"
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do. Who am I?
Harry: "Tent"
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first. Who am I?
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good. Who am I?
Harry: "Nose"
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Who am I?
Harry: Arrow
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F'and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of heat and excitement?
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
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