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Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
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A man came walking up to the house when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.
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A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives.
In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
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** How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
laundry done free.
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THE BIGGEST LIES IN THE WORLD...
*It's a good thing you came in today. It's the last one we have.
*I promise to pay you back on my next paycheck.
*You made it yourself? I never would have guessed!
*Your hair looks just fine.
*It's delicious but I can't eat another bite.
*Go ahead and tell me, I won't tell another soul.
*The doctor will call you right back.
*You don't look a day over 50.
*Your baby is just beautiful.
*Put the map away. I know where we're at.
*Having a great time. Wish you were here.
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