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020629 - !!! NEW VIDEO CLIP AND PPS on www.panda-sonic.has.it !!!
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
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"It's really amazing," Betty told her wealthy middle-aged lover, as he was reclining on the bed.
"You have a beautiful head of gray hair, but not a single one in your pubic area."
"Not as amazing as you might think." he continued, "My brain has to do all the worrying.
"Jr." hasn't got a care in the world."
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Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor.
Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor
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Randy was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it. At 2:00PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 5:00PM and 7:00PM, they tried, and both times Randy turned down the soup, so they gave up. In preparation for the next day's test, they entered his room at 3:00AM, 4:30AM, and 6:00AM and gave him an enema each time.
When Randy got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his
wife, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're asleep and shove it up your ass!
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An extremely drunk man looking for a whorehouse stumbles into a Podiatrist's office instead and weaves over to the receptionist.
Without looking up, she waves him over to the examination bed and says,
"Stick it through that curtain."
Looking forward to something kinky, the drunk pulls out his penis and sticks it through the crack in the curtains.
"That's not a foot!" screams the receptionist.
"Holy shit, lady. I never knew you had a minimum!" replies the drunk.
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SAFETY TIPS FOR MEN WHO VISIT XXX WEBSITES
1. It is unsafe to lick your monitor while it is ON.
2. The orifices in the back of your monitor are NOT intended for
participation in the LIVE sex shows.
3. The fan in your computer's power supply is not a good place to cool your "heat of passion" (although, it would certainly be an enlightening experience)
4. Be prepared to replace your keyboard often if you enjoy "tickling the keys" with your manhood.
5. Semen IS electrically conductive!
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It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself. The next day her mother called to see how everything went.
"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey?" said the daughter.
"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.
"I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"
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What happens when you fall in love with:
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets you down.)
An artist? (He gives you the brush.)
A jogger? (He gives you the run-around.)
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