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020926 - new today pix on www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!!!!!!!!
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My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
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Love is complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.
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A man walks into a bar and sees a well-decorated military officer sitting at
the bar. He also notices that the man has a head about the size of an
orange.
So he walks up to the officer and says "That really is an impressive uniform, but I have to ask. What happened to your head?"
The officer replies "Well, about five years ago I was in a ship wreck and washed up to an island. When I awoke I heard cries for help, so I went to investigate. I found a mermaid trapped under a rock. So I lifted the rock to free her, and she told me that she would grant me three wishes for my heroic deed.
I wished that I could be sent back home, and she replied that she would grant that wish when the other two were made.
I wished for tons of money, so she filled the island with cash, gold, and jewels as far as the eye could see.
Next, I commented that I hadn't had sex for a while, and if she could do
anything about it? She said 'Well, I have this fin in the way, I can't
really help you with that.'
So I said 'How about a little head?'"
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The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
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Creeping around to the bedroom window, the private detectives saw their client's wife in bed with another man.
"Just as I suspected," said the first. "Let's go in after him."
"Great idea," the other replied. "How soon do you think he'll be finished?"
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An irate guy stormed into a drug store looking like he'd just been dragged out of a river. Clutching a rumpled box of sanitary napkins he says to the clerk, "S.O.B.! I'm gonna sue your ass for selling me this bullshit!"
"What are you talking about?" asks the startled clerk.
"Look here," says the guy, pointing to the wrinkled box, eyes popping with rage.
"It says, 'You can swim while wearing these.' "Don't it say that?
Well, S.O.B., that's a gotdam lie! I had six of these bullshit things tied 'round me and I damn near drowned!"
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Why are Jewish Mothers always excused from jury duty?
They all insist that they're the guilty ones.
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A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank. The teller says, "Sorry, madam, the note is fake".
Oh no!" exclaimed the prostitute, "I have been ... raped".
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Mother was scolding the daughter, "I don't like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb".
"No, momma," she said, "He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month!"
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