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021122 - !!!! See handson @ www.solstikkan.has.it !!!!!
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If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.
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On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
"What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you're a United
Airlines Flight, it's 3 o'clock. If you're an Air Force flight, it's
1500.
If you're a Navy flight, it's 6 bells. If you're an Army flight, the
big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If you're a Marine Corps flight, it's Thursday afternoon.
and if you are Airforce One...tell President Bush...
....to call Dick Cheney for the right time.
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Divorce laws can make you crazy. One state says you can't get a divorce
unless you can prove adultery.
That's weird. The Ten Commandments say you shouldn't, and the state
says you have to.
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How do you know if a woman used a vibrator while she was pregnant?
The kid stutters.
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Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
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A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man and nun started talking and she asked about his life.

He talked about his wife and 13 children. "My, my," said the nun, "13 children ....you're a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very proud of you!"

"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish."

"Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex maniac, aren't you?"
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A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out "Perhaps you should hear
how all this came about..."

I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.

She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you.

Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now.

"Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore ?'"
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A new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't
appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am
sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother," the young woman
laments. "I bought a frozen turkey loaf and he yelled at me about the
price."
"Well, that is being miserly," the mother agreed, "those turkey rolls
are only a few dollars." The girl continued, "No, mother it wasn't the
price of the turkey roll, it was the airplane ticket." The mother
asked, "Airplane ticket? What in the world did you need an airplane
ticket for?"
"Well mom," she said, "when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the back and it said, 'PREPARE FROM A FROZEN STATE,' so I flew to Alaska."
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"Things You Do Not Want To Hear In Surgery..."

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor we're going to need a mop

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie..

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration
off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make her leg twitch?!
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